How the Stories You Tell Yourself Shape Everything

Ever notice how just one little thing—a tone of voice or a quick text—can mess with your whole mood?

Like, you get a short “okay” from someone, and suddenly you’re wondering, “Did I do something wrong? Are they mad at me?”

That’s what we’re diving into today: how the way we talk to ourselves—and the stories we tell—shape how we feel and show up in the world.

Here’s the thing: if you’re not paying attention to those inner conversations, they can run the show without you even realizing it.

So let’s break this down together and talk about why it matters—and how you can start shifting it.

Why Words Matter More Than You Think

You’ve probably heard people say, “Watch your language,” but it’s not just about being polite or avoiding certain words. It’s about how the words you use, especially with yourself, shape your day.

Like when you mess something up at work. You might think, “I always screw up,” or “I can’t do anything right.”

Sounds harmless, right? But that stuff adds up.

It’s like planting little seeds of doubt that grow into stress, frustration, and even anxiety.

A client once told me every time she made a mistake, she’d mutter, “I’m such an idiot.” She didn’t even realize she was saying it. But over time, she started believing it—even though she was great at her job.

So here’s the thing: those little phrases become the soundtrack in your head. And that soundtrack shapes how you walk into a meeting, how you handle stress, and how you talk to the people you love.

Imagine swapping “I’m such an idiot” for “I made a mistake, but I can learn from it.”

That’s a totally different vibe, right?

The Stories We Tell

Now here’s something else that comes up a lot: the stories we tell ourselves.

Every day, stuff happens. Someone cuts you off in traffic. Your boss sends a one-word reply. A friend forgets to text you back.

Those are just facts.

But we add a story to those facts, and that story decides how we feel.

Like when your boss sends that one-word reply, and your brain goes, “They’re mad at me. I must’ve done something wrong.” Suddenly you’re anxious and tense—just because of the story.

I had a friend who always assumed silence meant rejection. If someone didn’t respond right away, she’d think, “They’re upset with me.” That story followed her around like a shadow.

Here’s the thing most people miss: that story might not even be true.

Maybe your boss was just busy. Maybe your friend forgot.

So next time you catch yourself spiraling, pause. Ask: What’s the story I’m telling? Is that the only way to see it?

Just asking that question can take the pressure off.

Talking About What You Want Matters

Alright, let’s get practical.

Instead of letting those old stories run your day, what if you started choosing the words that set the tone you actually want?

Think about your mornings. Maybe you wake up and think, “Today’s gonna be rough,” or “I’m already behind.”

That sets the tone for everything that follows.

But what if you tried something different, like, “I’m open to finding some ease today,” or “I’m focusing on what I can control”?

It might sound small, but that one shift can change how you feel about the whole day.

I know someone who used to hate Mondays. Every Sunday night, they’d get that pit in their stomach. Then they started telling themselves, “Mondays are a chance to reset.” And guess what? Mondays felt different—still busy, but with less dread.

It’s not about pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about giving yourself a chance to feel better—one thought at a time.

Training Your Mind Like You Train Your Body

So here’s the thing: changing the way you talk to yourself takes practice—just like training your body.

You know how when you start working out, it feels awkward at first? You might not see results right away. But if you keep showing up, those reps add up.

Your mind works the same way.

Every time you catch a negative thought—like, “I always mess this up”—and shift it to something more supportive, that’s a rep.

Every time you pause before reacting and ask, “What’s the story I’m telling?”—that’s a rep too.

Over time, those reps build mental strength. You start feeling more confident, more present, and less stuck in those old loops.

So be patient with yourself. It’s not about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up and practicing, one small step at a time.

The Real-Life Payoff

So, why should you care about this?

Because when you change the way you talk to yourself, you change how you feel about yourself. And that changes everything—your relationships, your stress levels, your sense of possibility.

You might find you’re more patient with your partner instead of snapping. You might notice you’re calmer at work, even when it’s busy.

You might even start enjoying your own company more—because the voice in your head isn’t beating you up all the time.

A client told me that after practicing this for a few weeks, they felt like they’d given themselves permission to be human. They still had tough days, but they weren’t stuck in that loop of “I’m failing.”

Imagine that kind of freedom.

That’s what this work is about—giving yourself a real chance to live with more ease, more confidence, and more self-compassion.

An Invitation

So if you slowed down right now… what’s one thing you’ve been telling yourself that’s keeping you stuck?

How would it feel to let that go—or at least question if it’s even true?

And if you’re ready to start training your inner world with the same clarity and structure you bring to everything else, I’ve built a system for that. It helps you actually shift those patterns—so you don’t just understand them, you change them.

If you’re on Instagram, I share insights and practices a few times a week over at @mikewangcoaching. Would love to connect with you there.

And you can also join my weekly newsletter—it’s where I share practical tools to help you apply this work in real life.