When Your Emotions Start Running the Show

You ever notice how some emotions feel like they just take over? You tell yourself to stay calm, but inside, there’s this undercurrent of frustration or disgust running the show. What most people don’t realize is, emotions aren’t just reactions. They’re trained patterns, built over time, shaping how you see, think, and act. And once you start noticing which emotions you’re actually training each day, you can begin retraining them.

Today we’re unpacking what happens when emotions quietly start steering your decisions—especially disgust—and how to shift from that pattern into something steadier: peace and agency. Because once you understand that emotional states aren’t random, that they’re trained, you realize you have far more influence over your inner world than you think.

When Emotions Turn Against You

Let’s start with disgust—because it’s one of the most common and invisible emotional habits people train without realizing it. When disgust is active, perception narrows to imperfection. The mind starts scanning for flaws like a heat-seeking missile. It sounds like: “Not good enough.” “Should be further along.” “This isn’t how it’s supposed to look.” That tone carries emotional weight, and over time, that weight becomes habit.

I see this all the time. Someone who’s disciplined, consistent, maybe even admired for how hard they work… but inside, there’s this constant low hum of frustration—like nothing they do is ever quite enough. They can’t even enjoy a win for five minutes before the mind starts pointing out what’s still missing. That’s not drive. That’s disgust training itself.

And because the mind compares everything to an ideal that doesn’t even exist—some filtered, polished version of life—it starts treating reality like a problem to fix instead of a place to build from. When that happens, motivation turns into pressure, creativity collapses, and progress starts to feel heavy. The goal isn’t to eliminate disgust; it’s to see it for what it is—a trained pattern. And patterns can be retrained.

Redirecting Emotional Momentum

So how do you actually retrain it? You don’t beat disgust by analyzing it. You redirect it. The first step is to name it without judgment: “This is disgust.” That simple sentence separates you from the emotion. Then shift the question you’re asking. Instead of “What’s wrong?” try “What’s workable?” That one move reopens perception. The nervous system stops defending and starts orienting.

Someone I coached was leading a product launch that kept missing deadlines. Their default loop was, “We’re behind again. This is a disaster.” We swapped it for, “What’s workable in the next hour?” Everything changed. They refocused, their team found three next steps, and the energy lifted almost instantly. You don’t have to fight disgust—just redirect it. Each time you do, you’re teaching your system to focus on movement instead of judgment.

Training Peace and Clarity

Once you can interrupt the old pattern, you need something solid to replace it with. That’s where peace comes in. Most people think peace comes when life finally settles down. But peace isn’t what happens when things calm down. It’s what happens when you stop fighting what’s already here. Peace sounds like, “Everything is the way it is right now.” Not approval. Not resignation. Just acknowledgment.

When peace is active, thoughts simplify: “Okay. This is what I’ve got. What’s my next move?” I’ve watched people gain months of progress from this one shift. Someone loses a client and spirals into “This shouldn’t have happened.” Once they trained peace—literally repeating, “It is this way”—their focus came back. They could think clearly again. Peace isn’t passive. It’s what gives you the clarity to move forward with precision. And from that clarity, a new kind of strength starts to form—the ability to act from stability instead of reaction.

Choosing Agency Instead of Control

That brings us to agency. Where peace says, “It’s okay as it is,” agency says, “And I can work with this.” Agency doesn’t depend on motivation. It’s the quiet confidence that you can take one solid step no matter what you feel. One phrase I use often is, “I can work with this.” It re-centers the system under pressure.

Picture an athlete about to train when the weather turns bad. Old pattern: “There goes my plan.” New one: “I can work with this. Adjust the route. Keep going.” The body relaxes, the mind refocuses, and momentum returns. Each time you do that when conditions aren’t ideal, you’re teaching your system that challenge isn’t danger—it’s usable energy. Agency builds through repetition, not inspiration. That’s how emotional steadiness becomes instinct, not effort.

How Emotion Shapes Thinking

Once you start noticing it, you’ll see it everywhere: your thoughts don’t decide your emotions—your emotions decide your thoughts. When disgust is active, the mind searches for proof that something’s wrong. When peace is active, thought organizes around clarity. When agency is active, thought generates solutions. So instead of forcing better thoughts, focus on training the emotional state that allows those thoughts to exist. Once emotion shifts, thinking follows naturally. That’s the real leverage point—emotion first, thought second.

High Standards Without Self-Contempt

Let’s talk about performance for a moment, because this is where many high achievers get stuck. Standards and disgust aren’t the same thing. Standards define what “good” looks like. Disgust attacks who you are when you fall short. Standards say, “This needs refinement.” Disgust says, “I’m behind. I’ll never get it right.” One fuels excellence. The other burns it out.

I worked with a manager who thought being critical would raise the bar. It did the opposite—his team froze. When he replaced the criticism with clear steps and timelines, performance improved, and everyone started showing up stronger. High standards don’t require pressure or disgust. They require clarity and follow-through.

Real Training Happens Under Load

Your emotional system is most flexible when you’re under stress. That means the reps that matter most are the ones you least want to take. You miss a goal. You feel tension. You want to quit or explain it away. That’s your training moment. Two cues help: “It is how it is.” “I can work with this.” Then do one small action in the next ten minutes. Send the message. Adjust the plan. Get up and move. Every time you do that, you link pressure with presence instead of panic. And that’s how your baseline changes. Those small, quiet reps are where emotional strength is built.

Bringing It Into Daily Life

These ideas only work if you use them everywhere, not just when things are big or dramatic. Start with your body. You wake up, look in the mirror, and the mind starts with, “You look exhausted.” Label it—disgust. Then say, “It is how it is,” and, “I can work with this.” Follow through with your workout or your walk. Not to fix yourself, but to train steadiness.

At work, a project slips, and you hear, “We’re behind again.” Label it—disgust. Then: “This is what’s true right now. What’s workable by the end of the day?” Take one clear step. In relationships, a text goes unanswered and the story begins: “They don’t care.” Try: “This is what happened. What’s my next clean move?” Then either clarify, connect, or step back. Just choose one. Use the same cues everywhere. Repetition teaches your system consistency.

Progress Over Perfection

Disgust feeds on fantasy. Progress starves it. Set targets that are real and measurable. Not “be healthier,” but “train four days this week.” Not “be a better communicator,” but “end every meeting with clear next steps.” Progress gives your system proof. That proof reshapes emotion faster than any pep talk.

I had a client who replaced every “This is wrong” with “What’s workable?” Eight weeks later, their sleep, focus, and motivation had all improved. Not because life got easier, but because their emotional training changed. Progress over perfection—your nervous system trusts what you practice.

Language That Trains Emotion

The words you use are cues. They tell your system what to feel next. Try these: “This is disgust.” “It is how it is.” “I can work with this.” “What’s workable right now?” Avoid these: “This is unacceptable.” “It shouldn’t be this way.” “I always mess this up.” Language is emotional training in disguise. Every phrase you repeat teaches your body which state to come back to.

Building a Reliable Baseline

You don’t need constant motivation. You need stability. That baseline comes from three things: Simple cues you actually use, small actions you repeat, and consistency that your system can believe. Cue, act, repeat. That’s the loop. Over time, steadiness becomes your normal. Your system believes what you prove through repetition, not what you promise on good days.

The Emotional Sequence That Works

Disgust collapses your focus into what’s wrong. Peace opens it back up. Agency turns that openness into forward motion. When you feel yourself slipping, run them in order: Label it. Accept it. Work with it. Then move. Five breaths, one step. That’s how emotional training works in the real world.

Take a moment and ask yourself: What emotional state am I practicing—over and over—without realizing it? And is that state aligned with who I’m becoming? If not, now you know where to start: Label it. Accept it. Work with it.

If you’re ready to stop managing symptoms and start training a steady, resilient emotional state, I’ve built a system for that. It integrates emotion, perception, and the nervous system—so you don’t just understand your patterns, you actually shift them. I also share short weekly practices on Instagram at @mikewangcoaching, and you can join my newsletter for deeper training.