Why Overwhelm Isn’t the Problem (And What It’s Actually Telling You)

Have you noticed this?

A lot of people say they want depth. They want presence. They want focus. They want to feel grounded. Steady. Consistent.

And they’re not lying. They really mean it.

But then something real shows up. A real demand. Pressure. Responsibility. Something that actually asks something of them.

And all of a sudden… they feel overwhelmed.

And here’s the story we’ve all kind of agreed on: “If I feel overwhelmed, something out there must be wrong.”

The environment. The expectations. The pace. The pressure.

But I don’t think that’s always true.

Sometimes overwhelm isn’t a problem. Sometimes it’s information.

What Overwhelm Is Actually Pointing To

Most of the time, overwhelm isn’t telling you that you’re incapable.

It’s usually telling you one of three things.

Either… you just haven’t had enough reps yet.

Or… you haven’t trained staying regulated while demand is present.

Or… you’re doing the work in the wrong place.

And this is the part most people miss.

Growth doesn’t happen in the demanding moment. It happens between those moments.

Pressure doesn’t create patterns. Pressure reveals them.

Whatever shows up when things get intense— that’s what’s been trained.

Why We Blame Pressure So Quickly

We live in a culture that treats discomfort like a mistake.

If something feels hard, we assume: “This shouldn’t be happening.” “This isn’t sustainable.” “Something needs to change.”

And sometimes that’s true.

But there’s a quiet cost to that mindset.

Because if the environment is always the problem… then I never have to build capacity.

And when capacity isn’t trained, everything eventually feels overwhelming.

Not because life got harder. But because nothing inside got stronger.

The Part People Don’t Love Hearing

Here’s the part most people skip.

You don’t train consistency once in a while. You don’t train presence when it’s convenient. You don’t build resilience in the big moments.

You build it through repetition. Through boredom. Through showing up when nothing dramatic is happening.

When no one’s watching.

Which means this:

If someone only engages when demand shows up, they will always feel behind.

Not because something is wrong with them. But because the reps aren’t there.

That’s not a character flaw. That’s just a training gap.

Overwhelm vs. Capacity Mismatch

Now—this matters—

This isn’t about forcing toughness.

Sometimes overwhelm really is information that says: “This container isn’t right for me right now.”

And that’s okay.

Not every environment is designed to build capacity from zero.

Some environments are designed to reveal capacity.

They reward people who are already practicing between sessions, between moments, between demands.

That doesn’t make them harsh. It makes them honest.

So the real question isn’t: “Is this too much?”

It’s: “Am I training enough to meet this?”

What Happens When Pressure Is Always Removed

Here’s what happens when pressure is always taken away.

People feel better… for a bit.

But they don’t become more capable.

So the same overwhelm shows up again.

At work. In relationships. In decisions that actually matter.

Pressure avoided today becomes fragility tomorrow.

And fragility is way more expensive than discomfort ever was.

A Healthier Relationship with Demand

There’s a cleaner way to look at this.

Demand isn’t the enemy. It’s information. It’s feedback. It’s a diagnostic.

So when overwhelm shows up, instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?”

Try asking: “What hasn’t been trained yet?”

That question changes everything.

It brings agency back. It removes shame. It turns discomfort into direction.

You’re not broken. You’re just under-trained in this area.

Reflection

Some environments are meant to hold you.

Others are meant to test you.

Both matter.

But confusing the two creates a lot of unnecessary suffering.

If pressure feels overwhelming right now, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It just means something is asking to be trained— quietly, consistently, and mostly on your own time.

That’s not punishment. That’s how growth actually works.

If this landed, it might be worth noticing where you’re expecting change without repetition.

Real capacity isn’t built in intense moments. It’s built in what you do between them.