Your Identity Determines Your Outcome
Identity is what defines us and sets us apart from others. It includes things like our name, our physical features. Where we live, our job, our friends and family. It also includes personal characteristics like our values and beliefs - our sense of humor. There may be aspects of our unique makeup that we might not always share with others - like our deepest aspirations and desires.
I talk about identity because - in order for us to create something we want in life - we must first develop the identity that aligns with it. Simply having a vision for ourselves is not enough. We have to become the person who can make that vision...a reality.
For example, let's say...your goal is to run a marathon. You must first develop the identity...of a marathon runner. If you've never run more than a mile in your life - or you're just running a few miles every now and then - you're going to need to put in some effort for you to actually be able to fulfill on your vision. You'll need to train in order to increase your capacity and stamina. Maybe you'll need to clean up your diet so that you'll have more energy. Maybe you'll want to find a running coach - or read up on various training strategies - to help you work your way up to the marathon. Basically, in order for you to achieve your goal of running a marathon, you must become the person who can run...a marathon.
If you find yourself vegging out on the couch every night after work and watching Netflix while eating junk food - and you're wondering why your running endurance and stamina is not improving - well, the answer may lie in your habits. If you want to experience the feeling of success and achievement - that comes from accomplishing your first marathon - you must first develop the identity of a marathon runner. This may involve changing your habits, such as spending less time on the couch and more time training. To achieve your desired outcome, you must become the person who is capable of achieving it.
This applies to all aspects of life. For example, if your vision is to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship with a significant other - but you've never had that modeled for you in your environment. And all of your past relationships have been filled with poor communication and turmoil. Well, you've got some work to do. There are skills and qualities you will need to develop and cultivate. Simply having a vision of being in a loving and fulfilling relationship - is not enough to wish it into existence.
For example, you may need to get some coaching or counseling - or do some inner work to reflect on the emotional patterns that are getting triggered when you're in an intimate relationship. Perhaps you'll discover that there are some habits and old ways of being that you'll need to release and change - that are getting in the way of fulfilling your vision.
Ask yourself, who is the person I need to become in order to create my desired outcome? Perhaps I need to be kind, empathetic, expressive, vulnerable. How do I want to show up for someone? To truly see them? And look at them through a compassionate lens? To help and support their growth - and be an amazing teammate?
Remember, anything we wish to create in life - we must first develop the identity...that aligns with it. It is the first step of transforming into the person we want to be.