Why People Around You Quietly Decide What You Settle For

How many times have you felt a spark of excitement about something you wanted to do…and then almost immediately felt it shrink the moment you shared it with someone else?

Maybe you wanted to change careers, move somewhere new, get in shape, or start a business. For one clear moment, it felt possible. And then—someone you care about said, “That’s too risky.” Or, “What if it doesn’t work?” And just like that, the vision you were holding started to feel smaller.

Today we’re going to look at why we allow other people’s doubts to get in the way of who we could become—and more importantly, how to train yourself so you stop handing over that power.

The Subtle Way We Hand Over Our Vision

Most people don’t even realize this is happening. They think the reason they haven’t gone after what they want is because of “timing” or “circumstances.” But when you look closer, what you see is this: We let other people’s perceptions override our own.

We hear a parent say, “That’s not realistic.” We hear a friend say, “Why don’t you just stay where you are?” We hear a co-worker joke, “Good luck with that, you’ll need it.” And without even realizing it, we take their version of reality… and make it our own.

The moment you do that, your emotional state shifts. You start practicing hesitation. You start practicing doubt. And those emotions create thoughts like: “Maybe they’re right.” “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.” “Maybe I should just play it safe.” Which then leads to action—or usually, inaction. So the real problem isn’t “lack of motivation.” It’s that you’re training the wrong state, over and over again.

Remembering the Innocent Clarity

Think back to when you were a kid. There was a time when you didn’t second-guess what you wanted. You wanted to be an astronaut? You said it. You wanted to be a professional athlete? You believed it. You wanted to draw, sing, or dance? You just did it.

You didn’t stop to ask if it was realistic. You didn’t check if everyone else approved. That wasn’t naivety. That was clarity. You saw possibility. That created excitement. The excitement drove thoughts of “Of course I can.” And those thoughts led to action—you tried, you played, you practiced. That’s training. Just in a direction that built confidence instead of tearing it down.

Over time, though, we start absorbing other people’s filters. We hear enough “you can’t” and we start seeing limitation instead of possibility. So the first step in reclaiming your vision is reconnecting to that innocent clarity. Not because you’re living in a fantasy. But because that way of perceiving is closer to truth than the doubt you’ve been reinforcing ever since.

Protecting the Flame

Even once you reconnect with that sense of possibility, the world around you won’t suddenly fall silent. The people you love may still question you. Your social circle may still laugh at your ambition. The media may still remind you every day how impossible things are. That’s why you’ve got to protect it.

Think of your vision like a flame. When it’s small, any gust of wind can blow it out. Protecting it doesn’t mean hiding from the world. It means choosing how you respond. When someone says, “That’ll never work,”—you don’t take it as truth. You recognize it as their limitation. And then you choose a different emotion. Maybe certainty. Maybe calm confidence. Maybe enthusiasm. That choice conditions your nervous system to reinforce your vision instead of shrinking it. Every time you do that, you strengthen the flame.

The Influence of Environment

Now let’s talk about your environment. If you keep surrounding yourself with voices that contradict your vision, you’re training against yourself every single day. Even if you don’t consciously agree, the repetition matters. Because repetition builds intensity. Each time you hear “you can’t” and let it land emotionally, you’re reinforcing defeat. And soon that becomes the automatic state.

So, part of protecting your vision is curating your environment. That could mean limiting conversations with people who drain your energy. It could mean cutting back on negative media. It could mean actively seeking out communities where people reinforce possibility. And if you don’t have those people yet—that’s okay. Start by being that person for yourself. Write down your vision. Read it daily. Train your state while you do it. Because when you train consistently, your nervous system learns a new baseline.

Here’s something that often gets overlooked. When you let other people’s doubts define your limits, you’re not just missing out on a dream. You’re creating misalignment inside yourself. That misalignment shows up as stress. As anxiety. As burnout. Not because life is “hard”… But because your nervous system is caught between the vision you want and the state you’re practicing.

You want growth, but you’re practicing fear. You want freedom, but you’re practicing hesitation. You want fulfillment, but you’re practicing doubt. And living in that gap every day chips away at your confidence. The solution isn’t to push harder. The solution is to stop reinforcing the very state that creates the gap.

Building New Repetitions

So how do you shift it? By training new reps. Every day, you get a choice: Do I reinforce doubt? Do I reinforce fear? Do I reinforce hesitation? Or—Do I reinforce certainty? Do I reinforce calm presence? Do I reinforce alignment?

It won’t feel natural at first. Because your nervous system has been conditioned in the old pattern. But the same way a muscle grows with consistent reps, your inner state gets stronger with consistent practice. I worked with someone once who had been told by their entire circle that changing careers was “irresponsible.” At first, they absorbed it—the doubt they kept hearing triggered uncertainty, which fed hesitant thinking, and led to inaction. They stayed stuck for years.

But when they started training certainty—repeating their vision daily, choosing their emotional state before tough conversations—everything shifted. The doubts didn’t vanish. But the power of those doubts collapsed. Because they weren’t practicing them anymore. That’s the difference.

So here’s the question I want you to sit with: What emotional state are you practicing—over and over—without even realizing it? Is it doubt? Is it fear? Or is it certainty, enthusiasm, confidence? Because whichever state you train… that’s the one that builds your future.

Putting It All Together

Let’s recap.

1. What you focus on directly conditions your emotional state. Guard it.
2. The state you practice most often shapes the way you think.
3. Those thoughts determine the choices you make and the actions you take.

So if you don’t like your results, you don’t start at action. You start earlier—by redirecting what you allow in and by training the state that matches who you’re becoming. Protect your flame. Curate your environment. Choose the state that matches the person you’re committed to becoming. And repeat it. Over and over. Because repetition is what builds intensity in the nervous system.

If you’re ready to stop managing symptoms and start training a steady, resilient inner state, I’ve built a system for that. It integrates perception, emotion, and nervous system—so you don’t just understand your patterns… you actually shift them.

I also share practices weekly on Instagram—@mikewangcoaching. And if you want more depth, you can join the newsletter here. Thanks for being here with me today.

Protect your vision. Train your state.