How to Tell If This Kind of Training Is Right for You

Some people work with me and absolutely thrive. They get more steady inside. More clear. More connected to what matters to them. And others — just as talented, just as driven — struggle. They start strong, but fade. They get stuck in their head, or disappear the moment it stops feeling easy.

It took me a while to understand why. But now, I can usually tell within the first few conversations. So if you’ve been curious about this kind of work — about building a steadier inner state, not just chasing results — this might help you figure out if it’s the right fit for you right now.

Because over the years, I’ve seen the same patterns show up again and again. And I’ve noticed there are 4 clear red flags that almost always predict struggle in this work — and once you see them, they’re hard to miss.

Red Flag #1 — The Strategy-Chaser

This person is always hunting for the next big insight. They collect tools and ideas but never stay long enough to train anything. Their system ends up practicing urgency, not steadiness.

This person is brilliant. They collect frameworks like trophies — always searching for the next big insight, the next perfect system. They’re constantly thinking: “If I can just figure this out, everything will change.” And the thing is… they do figure it out — at least in their mind. But here’s the problem: They never stay long enough to train anything. They get excited, then frustrated, then jump on to the next thing. What they’re really training is impatience. Their nervous system starts linking growth with urgency and burnout. So even when they’re “doing the work,” they’re quietly reinforcing the very pattern they want to outgrow.

Red Flag #2 — The Emotion-Avoider

They look calm on the surface but avoid emotional intensity at all costs. They want strength without ever feeling discomfort. That keeps their system stuck in avoidance.

This one’s more subtle — because they look calm on the surface. They say they want to train emotional steadiness, but they’ve built their whole life around avoiding emotional intensity. They want to feel strong… but never uncomfortable. Here’s the catch: You can’t shift an emotional state you won’t even touch. If your system thinks discomfort is dangerous, you’ll panic the moment it shows up. Even if your mind is saying, “Stay calm,” your body has already chosen chaos. So instead of training steadiness, they’re training avoidance. And avoidance always collapses under pressure.

Red Flag #3 — The Over-Identified Feeler

They love emotional work but get lost inside it. They treat their emotions like permanent truth instead of temporary states. And that keeps them stuck.

This person loves emotional work. They dive deep. They analyze. They express. They process. But they’ve quietly made a dangerous mistake: They believe their emotions are who they are. They say things like: “I’m just an anxious person,” or “I’ve always been this way emotionally.” And once emotion becomes identity… you can’t train it anymore. It just feels permanent. They stay stuck because they’ve been reinforcing the idea that their emotions define them instead of seeing them as states they can retrain. The moment they see that, everything starts to change.

Red Flag #4 — The Glory-Seeker

They want to be the calmest, strongest person in the room. But only if it gets them admiration. The moment no one’s watching, they stop showing up.

This one’s sneaky — because they often seem like the perfect fit at first. They’re ambitious, competitive, confident. They want to be the calmest, strongest person in the room. But it’s all about how they look. They want emotional steadiness as long as it gets them admiration. The moment no one’s watching, they stop showing up. So their nervous system learns to link emotional steadiness with winning — and when they’re not winning, they crumble. They never build the kind of stability that holds up when life stops applauding.

Green Flag #1 — Proven Discipline

They’ve built discipline somewhere already. They know how to keep showing up even when it’s not exciting. And that makes this work click fast.

The people who thrive here aren’t strangers to discipline. They’ve built consistency somewhere already — fitness, business, school, music, anything that required steady reps. They know how to keep showing up even when motivation fades. And that matters, because emotional training works the same way. You don’t get instant fireworks — you get slow, steady growth, rep by rep. If someone already understands that kind of practice, they usually take off fast.

Green Flag #2 — Depth Over Applause

They care less about looking impressive and more about feeling real. They want depth and connection, not just achievements. And that gives their growth staying power.

This is a big one. They’re still ambitious. They care about results. But they care more about whether those results feel real. They’re tired of achievements that look good but feel hollow. They want depth, connection, meaning. And because of that, they’re not thrown off when progress is quiet. They don’t need applause to stay consistent. They just need to know they’re becoming the kind of person they want to be.

Green Flag #3 — Sees Emotion as Trainable

They don’t see emotions as who they are. They see them as practiced states they can reshape. That mindset unlocks everything.

This is the mental unlock that changes everything. They don’t see their emotions as identity. They see them as states their nervous system has practiced. And if a state can be practiced, it can be retrained. They start asking questions like: “What emotional state am I reinforcing right now?” “Is this aligned with who I’m becoming?” That shift — from reacting to training — is the foundation of all their progress.

Green Flag #4 — Heart-Led Ambition

They want to be strong, but also deeply connected. They care about who they are for others, not just how they look. That blend of drive and heart makes them unstoppable.

The people who get the most from this work aren’t trying to be invincible. They want to be strong — but they also want to be deeply connected. They care about how they show up for their people, their work, their relationships. They want steadiness not just for themselves — but because it makes them someone others can rely on. They’re ambitious and heart-centered. And that combination is unstoppable.

An Invitation

So here’s a question worth sitting with: What emotional state are you practicing — over and over — without even realizing it?

Is it urgency? Avoidance? Self-criticism? Needing to win to feel okay? Or is it steadiness? Respect? Calm intensity? The kind of presence that holds steady even when things go sideways?

Because whichever one you’re repeating… that’s the one your nervous system is learning to default to. And you can change it. Not by thinking about it. By training it.

So if you want to start training that kind of steady, resilient inner state — one that holds no matter what’s happening around you — that’s the work I do. It’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about building something solid inside you that you can count on.

And if you just want to keep exploring, I share practices every week on Instagram — @mikewangcoaching — and you can join the newsletter for more depth.

Thanks for being here.