How Self-Trust Reflects in Our Relationships


Have you ever felt conflicted about trusting someone? One moment, you’re ready to open up and connect, but the next, you find yourself pulling back, feeling uncertain. It’s a common experience, one that many of us share.

What’s fascinating is that our ability to trust others is actually a reflection of how much we trust ourselves. When we have self-trust, it becomes easier to extend that trust to others. So, how do we build this self-trust? Through practice and direct experience.

Think about those times when you faced challenges and came through them. Each of these moments reinforces your self-trust. They remind you that no matter what happens, you have the resilience to handle it. This consistent reassurance builds a strong foundation of self-trust.

Self-trust isn’t about relying on external factors to feel safe and secure. It’s about cultivating an inner strength that assures us we’ll be okay, no matter what. When we know this deeply, we can trust others more freely because we aren’t dependent on them for our sense of security.


Building self-trust is a process, much like training for a marathon. It requires preparation and practice, mentally, emotionally, and even physically, by way of our nervous system. We need to become our own safety net, developing the confidence that we can navigate life’s uncertainties.

When it comes to building self-trust, there are a few key things to consider. First, it's helpful to briefly recognize and acknowledge some of our past experiences. Reflect on the challenges you’ve faced and how you’ve overcome them. This reflection helps you see the strength and resilience you already possess.

Second, we want to practice self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself during moments of doubt and fear. Understand that it’s okay to feel uncertain and that these feelings are a natural part of the human experience. By developing a relationship with this uncertainty, and treating yourself with kindness, you build a nurturing inner environment where self-trust can flourish.

Third, it's important to take consistent, small steps outside of your comfort zone. Each time you face a new challenge or step into an unfamiliar situation, you gain valuable experience. These experiences, even if they don’t go perfectly, teach you that you can handle whatever comes your way. Over time, these small "wins" accumulate, strengthening your self-trust.


The Inner Foundation Series can be an extremely helpful resource on this journey. It offers insights and practices to help you better understand and strengthen your inner landscape, your inner world. It directly gives you tools to build greater emotional intelligence and resilience, so that you can cultivate a deeper sense of self-trust and confidence.

Sometimes, the fear and hesitation can feel overwhelming. I’ve been there too, dealing with past hurts and uncertainties in relationships. It’s a burden many of us carry, which can lead to resentment and cynicism. But it’s absolutely possible to transform this energy into something constructive, and even beneficial.

When we lack self-trust, it spills over into all of our interactions with others. We project our fears and insecurities onto them, creating a cycle of mistrust. Sometimes, this may not even be a conscious event! It can show up subtly in the level of connection and intimacy we are actually able and willing to be in relationship with others.

But by focusing on our own growth and healing, we can break this cycle. We can start to see that our experiences, no matter how painful, may have shaped us up to this point, but they don’t define us. They don't define who we are.

When we carry unresolved pain and mistrust, it acts like a shadow, following us into every relationship and interaction. Ultimately, it’s not actually about the other person; it’s about the baggage we bring along. This shadow can make us skeptical, hesitant, and even fearful of new connections. But acknowledging this shadow is the first step towards creating something different for yourself.


Imagine your heart as a garden. Over time, weeds of doubt, fear, and past hurts can overtake it, choking the flowers of trust and connection. To reclaim this garden, we need to tend to it carefully. We first need to acknowledge that there even ARE weeds in our garden. But then our focus should be on nurturing the soil with self-compassion and envisioning the experiences that we would actually want to have in our lives. We are then able to plant new seeds of trust by gradually opening up to others, starting with small, safe interactions.

Despite the challenges, our desire for connection remains. It’s a fundamental part of the human experience, teaching us about ourselves through our interactions with others. So, even when trust wavers, remember that you possess the power to overcome it. You’re stronger than you realize.

The path to building greater self-trust is not linear. There will be ups and downs, moments of doubt, and moments of victory. The key is to stay committed to the process, knowing that each step you take brings you closer to a stronger, more trusting version of yourself.

Lastly, I want to briefly mention the role of intuition in building self-trust. Intuition is that inner voice that guides us when we are in a state of inner peace and stillness. It’s a powerful tool, but one we often ignore or second-guess. Trusting our intuition is a crucial part of self-trust. It’s about learning to listen to and honor our inner wisdom. Start by paying attention to those small nudges and feelings. The more you listen, the stronger your intuition becomes, guiding you with clarity and confidence.

As we wrap up, remember that you're not alone on this journey. Many of us are walking this path, learning to trust ourselves more and more deeply every day.